tell your sister to shave her snatch
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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