there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
