I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
