Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
