i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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