is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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