highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
