And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
