New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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