Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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