I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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