and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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