I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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