I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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