i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
