Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
please come you make the beer taste better
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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