cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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