I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
