I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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