What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
