Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
