god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
sex in a hospital.. check
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
