i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm at about main and main street
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Randomize
