i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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