he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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