I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
