So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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