omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
