I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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