Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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