You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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