i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
