Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
