i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
