I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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