well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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