well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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