I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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