brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
