He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
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