Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
FUCK WHALES
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
