I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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