can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
