what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
