I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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