that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
