If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
