i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
