I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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