I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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