i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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