also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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