I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
