I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
