I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
