just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
it was like eating out sand paper
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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