adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
