I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
