i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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