have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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