Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
