Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The power of my boobs compel you
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
