y did u give ur computer a hand job?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
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