I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
