I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Who died my cat blue again?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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